5 ways to calm down before you actually do

6 Oct, 2022

So in life, as we know, things unexpectedly happen. A situation is bound to come up from time to time that can throw us off kilter. Maybe it’s at work. Maybe it’s while visiting family. Or perhaps it’s a conglomeration of stresses that come together to create fire. And we need to calm down.

Whatever it is, it pokes a sudden and hefty hole into our emotional stability. When it happens, it can be hard to level back into a comfortable and functional level again. Especially if we’re out living life, or at work and not able to get to our home base.

It can be hard to calm down. And it can easily keep growing and taking away any remaining balance and enjoyment from our day… especially if we inadvertently fuel the stress. As we replay and ruminate on the situation, the hole can grow bigger.

Here are some simple, basic things that we can do to patch that hole while we’re out. And keep it from growing bigger, temporally until it grows back. We’ll call it the ‘first aide’ for when s!@t goes down’…

1) Meditate… Just Breathe

So, for anyone who might be unsure about the terminology, let me smash that illusive bubble of uppity… Meditation is actually breathing. You just take note of it as well. That’s it! So let’s first find a way to give meditation a little go. It’s not hard and it’s not complicated or inaccessible. You don’t need to sit down, cross-legged in a darkened room. You don’t even have to sit down.

Just step away, and experience yourself breathing. One breath, a few, it will all help. Just focus on your breathing… the sound of the breath, the feelings in your body as you breathe, the physical things you senses notice… Your belly, your chest. While you are taking note of your breaths, set the stresses down next to you, (as best you can), and give yourself to these moments of breathing.

If (ahem – when) the stress comes back up into your mind, as soon as you notice it, just let it go again, and go back to your breath again. It will help you calm down. And whenever you get that second to yourself, be it in the bathroom, the lunch-room, on a little walk, just breathe. Try to give yourself a moment of distance from the issue and look towards your breath. If it comes up, just look to your breath again. It’s that uncomplicated. And it helps. Give yourself a chance for a break from the thoughts.

2) Write it down to calm down

*But revoke your right to share any of this writing to social media or to physical humans -at least for now*

If you can get a moment to breathe, you might also be able to carve out a moment to get it down in written (more likely typed) form. Type it out in your phones notes, text it to yourself. Let it flow. Just make sure not to send this as an email or to post onto social media. When things are fresh and new, it is NOT the time share it unabashedly.

But, you can write it down. It can help you to digest, calm down, see things more clearly, and it can help feel a little safer and willing to take step away from the stress in question. Writing is very powerful. So, write the story down. Express yourself. Explain your feeling, what happened, your side of the story. Let it all out. Be detailed, be passionate. and then once it’s out, set it down. Just like in meditation. Try to set it down, and breathe. Let it go, even just a little bit. Its safe on the page. And it’s likely it won’t be quite as massive tomorrow. Breathe again. It’s good to keep the memory clear in the case that you do need to share this info with someone, or explain your side of the story.

3) Get some moments to yourself to calm down

Somehow when we end up dealing with some combination of feeling slighted, upset, offended, dismissed, or angered, a deep and deprived part of us wants desperately to gain allies, to share our plight with the masses and to have them agree with us emphatically. So we can be compelled to tell the story to everyone we think we possibly can – even people we never really talk to. It’s a weird anomaly. But it’s real and its intense, and it often doesn’t generally help us out, especially if we don’t give ourselves that cool down period.

Most of the people who listen kindley are doing it because gossip is so very fun. And because emotional fuel and fire (of which we are probably full of in this moment) is curious and interesting. But possible actively turning ourselves into lunchtime gossip… It doesn’t help us. ANd it won’t calm us down. What will help however is to get some space away from the noise of the personalities and situations that are speeding past us, through us, or into us. We can’t always get away from people, but if we remind ourselves that engaging and sharing will not likely help us to feel better right now, we will be better off. So take the moments available to you to get outside in some fresh air, or just get away in our mind. It’s hard, but it’s helpful.

4) Tell someone you love, and if applicable tell someone in charge

Oftentimes, good friends and partners are good people to share our stresses to. But even in these circumstances of sharing with someone close to you, it’s best to put a time limit on the sharing in the ‘first aid’ period. Get it out in a few minutes and try to focus more so on the other steps on this list. Because, when a slight is fresh, it’s easy to get very lost in it, it’s best not to give yourself the opportunity to fall into the festering warm bath of overtelling… it can make the issue much bigger. Try not to let yourself ruminate in the story.

As well, if you are at work and and are being treated inappropriately, or are dealing with something that you should not be, perhaps you should tell a supervisor what’s happening. Basically, let a person who can really, actually help know. Apart from these people though, try to keep it to yourself as best you can until genuine digestion has begun. Until you start to calm down. It usually takes at least a full nights sleep to actually start. This is when, from my experience, sound judgment will start growing back too. We so love sound judgment, And we so loose it sometimes. And to create gosip will possibly leave you with a ‘rage hangover’ in the morning. And more to deal with than you actually want to. So choose the people you share with very carefully.

5) Take care of yourself, and see the bigger picture

The energy you are using to fuel this stress is energy that is being burned out of you. And you deserve all of your precious energy. You’re amazing, you deserve your energy, and you deserve peace. The residual crap can evaporate, and we can carry on with our lives.

Breath away the dummies, and breathe in the peace. It’s also not uncommon for something that throws us off kilter, to come up when are exhausted, when we are not getting the simple things we deserve and need. So look towards yourself and ask, what might I really actually need to calm myself down? Are you getting the right food, the right sleep, time to yourself, and time to enjoy life. Are you feeling fulfilled? If not, how can you help yourself with that? Are you able to schedule a day off to yourself? If not, what little things can you can do for yourself? It could be a few moments every day. Regardless, you deserve them. Remember to put your own needs into your list of things to do every day.

Conclusion

It’s overwhelming to to be overwhelmed. But it is something that happens in our lives. We don’t need to accidentally add to it, and we don’t need to prolong it either. What we can do, is start to get past it as effectively as possible, and to maybe learn something about ourselves and about human kind along the way. So the next time something comes up, and we need to calm down, we have a few more tools to keep us collected, or to bring us back quicker to ourselves.