Social Anxiety: How it can feel & what might help
14 Sep, 2023
Social Anxiety… It’s strong, it’s mean, and it makes it next to impossible to just ‘act normal’ (when we’re not alone that is). And because I don’t personally desire to take too many (or any) opportunities to practice ‘being normal’ around people, I’ve never gotten a chance to gain that flair for it… I am perpetually stumbling around trying to look like a functional and poised human being facsimile. Or I’m having a mild anxiety attack because too many people are around me. My innards are screaming for my beautiful silent home, with a book, an apple pencil, and my own intriguing thoughts.
I mean, I like the idea of having a honed, polished personality…
But, alas, I have no interest in getting that practice in. Because, to my core, i’d prefer not to. I’d just like to be alone or with my one chosen person. And through 46 years of experience, it seems that the most enticing option for myself is to stay out of the public realm. And as an added bonus, when I’m out of the public eye, I won’t accidentally say or do something that will fester inside my overthinking, ruminating, socially anxious soul and drive me insane for days. Can you relate? Torturous isn’t it? Well, you’re in good company… But you’d never necessarily know it because us socially anxious souls don’t generally like company. We’re cozily home whenever we can be 🙂
Regardless of my own quiet inclination, there are times we know full well that we have no other choice but to come out from under our lovely, nutrient rich, warm, solitudeness leaves and deal with (and in) a socially dynamic world filled with interactions with a multitude of humans drenched in personality, and reeking with humanity.
In dealing with the likes, I have learned a few coping skills for those times in my life when I have no choice but to be out there. And I thought it would be a great day to share them with you.
So, here are 5 things to keep in mind when dealing with social anxiety…
1) Remember that ‘letting go’ of the flashbacks to recent overwhelming events that we tend to store up like possessive squirrels… is the ultimate desire
(although it’s likely inaccessible at first)
It’s generally not possible to easily let go of whatever perceived social blunder we have committed while we were out. But, we can remind ourselves that in time, its strength will probably dissipate, or even just become a forgotten memory. So, ask yourself the question, “is this present obsession important for my future”? And if it really doesn’t seem to be, remind yourself again that it will likely be forgotten.
I loathe to be told that I’m wasting my time worrying about something. I KNOW I am. It doesn’t mean that I can stop. Or I would have done so 4 hours ago. But it can help to just remind yourself that it will start to feel better, and it likely is not the massive issue that it seems like it is. Remind yourself that it will dissipate, because it doesn’t matter as much as it feels that it does right now.
2) If you’re being cruel to yourself, give yourself extra kindness to make up for it
If you’re anything like me, it can be easy to start being mean to yourself when you’re dealing with a socially driven circumstance.
Remember that you need extra kindness to try to balance out what you are saying to yourself about the dumb blunders you feel you must have commited. So if your incessant blaming for being an idiot and not knowing better is getting the best of you, try to be a voice of reason within your voices without reason.
Remind yourself that you’re doing your best, and that you are not an idiot. And be extra kind to yourself in ways that you are able to. Get lots of sleep, eat well, and do things that calm your stress.
3) Say less than you want to while you’re out… If you notice you’re in a full on dynamic conversation, take a breath and have a little check in with yourself…
Because we could be socially deprived, once we are out, it’s possible we could start talking to people and then just keep going… like we’re going down a hill… faster and faster. It is my experience that when I do get a little ‘chatty’ that this is actually a recipe for regret later on. “OMG why did I tell them that!?”
So, try to remember to take a breath while you’re out. And if it seems like you’re on a roll, so to speak, reign it in for a second. Or at least check in and make sure that this in depth conversation is what you want for your future self. I sometimes get to having fun, let down those guards, and when the flood gate opens, sometimes I share more than I’m necessarily comfortable with. And the social hangover can be deadly. ‘Less is more’ doesn’t only work in minimalism lol
4) Know of, or seek out an escape/rejuvenation area once you know where you’ll be
For instance, if you work away from home have a spot. For me, it was the library; my favorite place to have my breaks, read my book, and rejuvenate in silence. Seek out a little space where you can get a breath in. And where you won’t fear looking odd, or being judged. It’s not odd to prefer your own company or to be uncomfortable around many people, but if it is something you worry about, find a place that you know you’ll be able to get a breath in when you need it.
Also, if your days are filled up with duties, and chores in the public realm, when you do get an hour or a day to be on your own, hold it sacred, and give it to yourself.
5) Talk to someone who understands
Even if that person can’t be with you while you’re out, knowing that someone does get it can be greatly helpful. And taking the time to shoot them a text when you are feeling particularly anxious amongst all these people can be a great help. Just knowing you have someone on your team can be very powerful.
Also, if you feel like your socially anxiety is taking away from the fulfillment that you’d like to have in your life, reach out to a therapist or a mental health professional. Working with someone to get through and coming up with plans and strategies to deal can be very effective. We deserve to enjoy our life 🙂
Thanks so much for listening to my thoughts this week,
It’s nice to be lost together 🙂
-Lyndsay